Several years ago in June, I headed out with my best friend Amanda on a six hour drive to Texahoma to pick out a corgi from a litter.
We got there, and the one I’d seen the pictures was a little devil. Off to the side this rolly polly little boy with tri markings sat there watching, and laughing. He had this blissful little expression, these kind eyes, and he didn’t bark at everything. The biggest of the bunch, his nose was heart-shaped and he stole my mine.
When we got him home Kira adopted him, like he was her own. Every day, she’d lick him, play with him, care for him. But she was always able to get up and move away when she wanted to. Kuma wasn’t so lucky. He loved her, doted on her, couldn’t do anything without her.
He never changed either. A little timid, you couldn’t raise your voice or he’d have trouble with his bladder. He was gentle and kind, loving and eager. And when you spoke to him he cocked his head to the side, trying desperately to understand you.
Kuma could sit, stay, and come here. He never understood fetch, he’d just chase Kira instead of the item. But he well knew the words, food, water, and chewie. The pure joy on his face at getting a rawhide chew was beautiful.
When Kami arrived, he avoided her for the most part – we think he didn’t understand her and was a bit scared. But he never growled, all he did was run away. In the last few months they started to understand each other, and he was never happier than when she fed him or gave him chewies.
Kuma was part heart, part joy, part child that needed protecting, and the rest of him was all stomach. He loved to eat. A lot. He was such a beautiful soul.
On January 1st 2015, we lost our baby boy. I know to some it may seem like he was just a pet, but he was so much more than that. He was our furbaby child, he was a huge part of our family, and the pain at his passing is ridiculously real and tangible.
We love you Kuma, we always will. We miss you Kuma-bear.
Kuma
There is no such thing as “just a pet” to an animal lover. I’m so sorry for your loss. <3 *hugs*
My heart hurts for you, KT! Pets are not “just” pets. They are family. They are a life. They touched your heart and they are loved. I love you. Read this when you can. I know it won’t be for a while. When I lost my first fur babies, it took months to get through this story….
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UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN
I know what you’re thinking. You think I’m dead. Because you cannot
see me with your human eye, cannot feel me, with your hands or hold
me in your arms. You think I am gone forever.
You recall how I looked when I left this place and you cannot
remotely imagine that I could possibly be alive in another place.
You are racked and torn by the pain of our separation and it blinds
you to that which is right in front of you … me.
How many times since I left your immediate sight have you been told
that I’m dead and you should “get over it”… How many times have you
cried yourself to sleep because you feel like an outcast, believing
you’re supposed to get over me because that’s what people say is
normal… but somehow you can’t and no one seems to understand?
How many times have you put yourself through such excruciating pain
because you aren’t willing to consider that I am not, by any means,
dead.
I want you to do me a favour and go back in time with me. Remember
the glorious day I came into your home- was I not the most intriguing
creature you’d ever met? Did I not make you laugh and giggle?
Did I not look at you with such adoration that you wanted nothing
more than to spend the rest of your life with me? I wanted this too.
Remember the days when I was in my prime and we did many things
together. You were so proud of me! I was a good friend and I took
care of you when you cried, were angry or felt down and unhappy.
When you didn’t have a lot of time for me because of your
obligations, I waited patiently for you. I was always there when you
needed me. Did I not look at you with such acceptance and patience
that at times you felt perhaps a bit unworthy? You were never
unworthy in my eyes.
Remember when age crept up on me, my bones became stiff and my
movements slower. Still I met you at the door when you came home and
followed you around the house. We’d been together for so long, I was
your very best friend regardless of what you were doing, saying,
thinking. Did I not look at you with such kindness and understanding
that you felt overwhelmed? I couldn’t get enough of you.
Remember the last time we saw each other with earthly eyes? You tried
to be brave but I knew you were crying … I know you so well. Better
than anyone else in the whole world. Did I not look at you with such
pure trust and love that you yearned only to hold me close and keep
me with you always? Did you not promise that you would love me
forever? I believed you. If this is so then why have you let me go by
thinking I no longer exist?
Remember the depth in my eyes all those times I looked at you with
adoration, acceptance, patience, trust and love. Who created this
depth and love? Would the Creator diminish the song of our laughter
which was created in the name of love? I am no longer an earthly
figure, this is true. My body was only part of who I really am. My
body would have been but a mere shell on earth if it were not filled
to overflowing with my soul, my spirit, my loving light.
When we met you thought I was cute, sweet, pretty and adorable. But
what kind of relationship would we have had if this is all that I’d
been? How could you have loved me if I’d had no spiritual substance?
We are all made up of energy which resides far deep down inside of
us, it is our core, our soul, spirit and loving light. It is the
energy that is all of life … it has no beginning, it has no end. It
simply is and always will be and without it there is no life. You
can’t see it with the naked eye nor can you hold it in your hand, it
is simply a certain knowing that this energy does exist. It’s a
knowing just as you know that our love existed on earth –
you couldn’t see our love in a solid sense, you couldn’t gather it
all up and confine it to one place. But you *knew* it existed. There
was no doubt in your mind.They demand you get over me, insisting that
I’m dead and you’ll never see me again because animals don’t go to
Heaven. Oh really? I’m here to tell you different. You were worthy of
my love and undying devotion on earth as I was of yours. Do you
really believe this love would be snatched from us *forever* by a
loving Creator simply because I wasn’t human? Was I not a
living, breathing creation with personality? How could I have been so
if I didn’t possess the energy of soul, spirit and loving light? And
if this energy is and always will be, then how can it be that I am
dead? If my core is not of the energy that is all of life then I was
never alive to begin with.
But you know better.You cry because you miss me, this I understand. I
miss you too – I miss the belly rubs, hugs and kisses that we shared.
But life does go on beyond these wonderful, fulfilling physical
connections. I came to this place to live a whole new life, not
because I didn’t love you anymore or because I wanted something
better. I came here because it was time for me to go to the next
phase of my existence, something all living creatures must do
eventually. It is the normal progression of life. I was not taken
away from you because you cannot take away that which was never
owned. My presence in your life was and is a gift to be cherished and
honoured just as I cherish and honour you.
Life is not simply about being born into a body, living a certain
number of years and then dying. Energy cannot die. We are blessed
with time in a body so that we can learn, share and grow. It prepares
us for the next phase of our eternal life. The body holds within it
the true life force of our existence …our soul, spirit and loving
light. Without these our bodies would be empty, blank, void of
feeling and expression. Without our energy we would indeed be dead
and could never have experienced our love for each other.
You say that all you have left are memories. Not so. You see, when I
took leave of my earthly body I left a little something behind for
you. You can’t touch it, hold it or examine it. For what I left
behind is far too uninhibited for confinement. I left behind a piece
of my soul. I placed it right next to your own which is quite fitting
as we were always side by side in our earthly life together. I love
you too much to have left you with nothing but memories which tend to
fade and grow cloudy as the years go by. I love you too much to have
vanished without a trace. How selfish it would be of me to remove
love and light from your life.I understand your tears, each one you
shed is testament to your love for me and I am honoured and humbled.
But don’t forget the good things we shared –
remember and smile. This is an honour for me as well. And when you
need me I will be here. Close your eyes, relax, take slow, deep
breaths and picture me in your mind. Shut off the world and your
notions of what death is and give me a chance. Look for the subtle
signs I send you. Don’t stop being proud of me, I am a friend to be
proud of, I am still your friend and soul mate. Don’t memorialise the
death of my body but instead honour and celebrate my never-ending
life for it is eternal and forever as is my love for you.
Until we meet again…
So sorry Katie.That was a lovely story he was very lucky to have you,and you him xx
Awww, sorry you lost your furry baby. At least you have this posts and pictures to remember him.
That is still one of the best trips I have ever been on, from the getting there to meeting Kuma for the first time. I remember driving your car home, so that you could hold your fur baby for that long drive home.
He charmed everyone he met with his sweetness. I loved getting greeted by my god puppies every time I came to visit. He will be and is truly missed. I wish Kami would have had a chance to get to know him more because he truly was one of the sweetest dogs I have met, and I have known a lot in my life.
~Love you Katie-bear hang in there!
*hugs hard* I am so, so sorry, dear.
Ohhh Katie, I know he was much more than a pet. I know what a furbaby is. After the passing of Sampson, my life changed. Even tho I got 2 more furbabies it’s like I dare not love them. One is 9 & the other is 5. But they all desrve to be loved. Corgis are my 2nd fave breed. Sorry that u lost him. Happy for the memories xxcc