Was going to blog on Friday, but I finished H-W.I.P. instead.
I know, right? Priorities K.T. Priorities! Sheesh.
Then, I was going to blog on Saturday because I managed a whopping 17358 words on Friday to reach my 80689 total for H. But then I thought, is that a reason to blog? I mean, it’s just a first draft. It doesn’t matter that I can push a first draft out at the speed of … fingers. The point is that it’ll take at least another six months before that draft becomes an even potentially decent book/story.
So, then I felt down.
Yes, that’s right. You heard it here first. Me and my constant stream of OMG YOU CAN DO IT?
We also get down on ourself (I don’t care if that’s not really a word, it is now).
The title of this post is very accurate – and relates to my series of Writer Self-Esteem posts in a major way.
When it comes down to it – when everything is stripped away from me: my support network, my CPs, my betas, and my slowly gained self-confidence. When all that is gone, I’m left with me and my own #writemotivation.
Do I have the drive and the will to succeed? Do I love my characters and their worlds and their stories enough to continue, regardless of anything else that might interrupt? Do I truly want to be a writer?
I go through this rather often, but usually it’s short lived and I thwap myself on the head and tell self: Self! Stop it! Write or the people in your brain will drive you insane! (And though this wasn’t supposed to rhyme, it’s cool that it does.)
Usually, it only takes me a few minutes to squelch that doubt and continue on my determined way.
But not this weekend. Whether I pushed it too far with finishing a draft in a week (not my fault, my brain wouldn’t stop and my wrists hurt). Whether I should have thwapped myself in a timely manner so I didn’t start thinking about the finished work and how much overhauling it was going to need (I require at least two months away from a finished wip to gain perspective). Or, Whether I simply started feeling lost in this big and currently confusing publishing future…
It doesn’t matter.
The point is – this weekend I floundered.
I’m okay today – I’ve relegated H to the back of my mind and will attack it some time after April. I’m working on a critique for an awesome CP, and I’ve decided that since I’ve finished my February to do list with so much time to spare (thank you aching wrists of doom), I’m going to take this time to do some much missed reading – and catch up on campaign blogs I’ve seriously neglected this last week.
To all of my friends who compliment me far too readily. To all of the wonderful #writemotivation participants (without whom I think I’d sometimes be useless) –
I’m just me. I’m not super at this. I’m not confident in anything but my determination.
And I have no idea what I’m doing.
But I do love writing. And even when I’m down that, soul fact can make me smile.
Thank you to everyone for making it easier even though you might not realize it.
What kicks you in the butt when you need it most? Do you have any tricks to get yourself up out of the doldrums? When it comes down to you, and you alone, what makes writing worth continuing?
If you haven’t signed up and would like some twitter butt kicking from #writemotivation. Don’t forget to sign up by the 28th!
Yes, I meant soul fact 😀 I punny 😛