As writers, especially aspiring authors who have no real way of validating what we do, self-esteem is often a painful hurdle. I’m not talking about looking in the mirror and knowing you have to lose a few pounds, or wishing your hair was a different colour, or simply hating the way you think others see you. What I’m talking about is writing self-esteem.
First, I’ll clarify what I mean by no real way of validating. As an unpublished author you don’t have an agent who believes in you, nor do you have a publishing house editor who wants to help make your work the best it can be. You may have friends and family who are honest with you and genuinely tell you what they think: the good and the bad, but these aren’t industry professionals. And sometimes (read: all the time) most writers find themselves asking if their honest friends and family aren’t just being nice with their praise.
Writing is, in itself, a lonely craft. You have the idea (along with allllll the voices in your head), you sketch something down (whether it’s a vague catch phrase or a full blown point by point plot outline), and then you write. Because, let’s face it, no one else can write those nagging little people in your head as well as you can.
Or so you think.
After that first adrenaline rushing spurt of writing your story – doubt starts to creep in. You may not notice it at first. It may trigger your inner-editor. You think you’re just being meticulous, when in reality it’s your sub-conscious telling you that your work isn’t good enough.
And it’s right, but you believe it for the wrong reasons. You believe it because you think that means you can’t do it. Because you think it means every idea you have is worthless and no one will love it anyway.
STOP. RIGHT. THERE.
This is exactly where I was a year ago. And then I said to myself. Myself, I said: THWAP. Stop being an idiot.
I’ve had a few friends go through this spiral of self doubt recently, so I’m going to share, over a couple of posts, how I pulled myself out of it. Granted, I’m not published yet, nor will I be for a while. I know I’m not ready yet, but I have become extremely productive.
I make it sound a little more simplistic than it was. Â Let me back up a bit.
What no one else can do for you
This is the first point of conquering that horrible, nagging writer self-esteem. This is something I can’t tell you how to do, only that you have to do it. If you can’t take this step, no amount of encouragement, #writemotivation or wishful thinking is going to do it for you.
I hate to tell you this, but genie’s? They’re not real. You’re not going to find Aladdin’s magical lamp, rub it, and have a genie pop out granting you three wishes. Writing has to be practiced, practiced, and did I mention practiced. Without that practice you can’t improve.
Dreaming is not doing.
First Step:
The first step you have to take, whether writing here, there, everywhere, or currently wallowing in self pity about how unfair it is the world hasn’t recognized your latent talent – is to understand what writing means to you.
If you can live without it? If those voices in your head aren’t there driving you crazy most of the waking day and haunting your dreams at night? If you don’t feel any different for not telling a story, be it real or make-believe? Then maybe you don’t really want to write.
And if that’s the case, take my advice and stop torturing yourself.
But, if (like most writers I know), you love telling those stories. If you love and can distinguish every person hiding in your mind? If you wake up in the middle of the night from an awesome dream and have to write it down (So grateful for smart-phones)? Then maybe, just maybe, you have what you need to take the step.
If you truly believe you want to write, that you have enough love for a story and want to do it justice by getting it down? Then you need to make the conscious decision and call yourself a writer.
No one but you can take this step.
No one but you can believe in this step, because the belief of others won’t hold you through the bad times. Don’t get me wrong, belief from others will help, but if you don’t truly believe with some part of you that you’re a writer, then no one can help you do so.
Intertwined with this acceptance and calling yourself a writer – is the conscious decision to BE a writer. To write and revise. To write some more and rewrite where needed. To persevere.
Once you have this down, paving the way for the rest of the steps is much easier. But you need to decide and execute this first step all on your own. Don’t listen to what anyone else thinks. Listen to the stories in your head and the inspiration you draw from – and make the choice.
I’ll talk about the next steps another day. The motivation, the planning, the time management and taming the pesky inner editor. For today we’ve covered the most important step.
~
So, how did you take this important first step? Are you still waiting to take it? Do you tell those niggling doubts in the back of your head to shut up, or do you still let them get the better of you?
Wow! You so rock. Just like my post on getting the negative out of your life, this post hits on that too. It takes a conscious effort/decision to be positive and do the hard things in life, including write! It’s so easy to not write. It’s so easy to just give up. If you want something bad enough you will do it, right? So everyday I wake up and I say, I am going to write something ,anything, today! Just gotta do it, and every day gets easier! 🙂
Lol – I so rock. Haha <3
It does take a conscious decision and no one will do it for you.
No giving up - I'll thwap you 😀
Live to write..write to live <3
That’s a great motto. 😀
That’s one great pep talk! “I am a writer, I am a writer…” It really does work! Thanks, and have a great Monday!
You’re welcome. Just tell yourself that and don’t listen to anyone else. 😀
This is so extremely important. I have a job-bleh-but I’ve been calling myself a writer for some time now. It was necessary to take myself seriously. And I love it.
This is such an inspirational post. Thank you so much, K.T.
Yeah that whole job thing is meh.
And exactly – if you don’t take yourself seriously, how can anyone else?
I’m glad it spoke to you <3 You're very welcome.
I am tortured by ideas that pop in my head ALL. THE. TIME. The only thing that has changed now from when I was younger is I write them down in an idea book so I can keep track of them. I would never get any of my current projects done if I didn’t. I would run off and start the new idea, but never really finish it.
Allowing my ideas to sit and percolate allows them to become complete. I accept that I am a write and I will eventually reach my goal of becoming publish. But alas, as much as I think I’m ready, I have much to learn before I can really prove myself as ready. Nevertheless, I keep swimming through the darkness, looking for the day when I will feel the sun on my face through the forest trees.
😀 It’s awesome that you accept you’re a writer. Knowing that deep down helps so much.
Excellent post. You really have to love writing to stick with it because not many authors get the accolades they deserve.
I totally agree. IF you don’t love writing, why would you do it? It’s torturous (in a great way), but if I didn’t love it, I wouldn’t inflict it on myself lol!
Great post, K.T.! In my case, it’s not self-esteem, though there are times when my writing is so bad that I feel very frustrated and leave it for the day (or night, usually). What bothers me most is that I feel guilty most of the time for feeling tired, or for not having enough time to write.
It seems that I’m often tired in the only time I have available for writing, which is extremely annoying. I’m still working on the nagging doubts, but what I usually do is surround myself with positive things and keep trying new strategies for overcoming the obstacles. Something will work some time. 🙂
I think sometimes it’s a matter of time. But you’ll figure out a way to get rid of those obstacles 😀 I know you will
This is SO true, and not only for the unpublished author. At every step of the path, writers are assailed by doubts and worries. Will my second book be good enough? What if I run out of ideas? What will my publisher think of that bad review? I’ll never break out of midlist… Sometimes I think this is a pep talk writers need EVERY DAY, no matter where we are. Thanks for giving a great one!
I can’t imagine being published will change the hell my brain puts me through sometimes hehe. But it’s kind of nice to know that you never really lose that inner voice.
If we motivate each other – we can conquer the doubt a little easier 😀
Exactly!!!
My husband was actually the one who pulled me back on my feet and told me I’d put too much work into something to just give up. I’m so glad he was there to push me forward.
It’s an amazing thing to have a supportive spouse/partner. I’m so glad he was there to push you on 🙂
“Dreaming is not doing.” How true this is. I think I got caught up this is a very long time. I had all these dreams, plans, great ideas… but I never did anything about them. Then I got caught up in the cycle of starting something, but before I could finish, I’d get distracted by a new project. It really is important to remind yourself that no one is going to do it for you,so GET IT DONE!
Yep – I think that’s my new slogan. Dreaming is not doing. I have to do to make those dreams come true.
You can wishfully think all you want, but if you don’t actually do something about it – it’ll only remain wishful thinking.
Here’s to reaching for our Dreams and obtaining them 😀
That is some really good advice. I’m really going to have to take this to heart right now. I’ve been a little down on myself. But I’m trying to fix that and get up my self esteem and get back to my writing.