No, I’m not talking about the movie – although, it’s good, so watch it if you haven’t.
In three weeks I’ll be attending my first conference. It’s a small conference in Tulsa, OK. That’s okay, I think I need to deal with small before I kill my claustrophobic self with too many people. One of the things I’m most nervous about is showing an editor my first five pages. Why on earth are you nervous about that, you might ask?
Because I’m scared of showing people my work. As soon as I leave it with someone else, I feel a deep abiding hatred for whatever I’ve written. How could I show my work to someone and think they’d like it, be interested or not completely repulsed? In short, I loathe that I dared to presume.
This is what a crit group is for, right? My crit group of awesome people meets every Thursday. But let me try and explain why showing my first five pages to anyone, especially at the moment, is cause for panic.
My current WIP is a dystopian sci-fi trilogy. Yes, trilogy. Not because I feel it needs a sequel, but because in order for me to tell the entire story, it’s seriously going to take three books.
I started the first book on June 3, finished the first draft on June 12. Second book on July 4, didn’t finish that until Sep3, and well last tuesday (Sep 20) I started the third book. Hoping to be finished by next week. I’m a month behind where I wanted to be.
I’ll have written 270k inside of 4 months. Amazing? Hmmm, not really – they are just first drafts. But the thing is, for a first draft to become a polished and ready to submit draft – I’m going to have to show other people, get other opinions. So really, my ‘amazing’ writing speed, is worthy diddly crap if I can’t finish a revised version.
There are two people I’ve shared my work with for six years who read as I write. But the thing is, none of the books are revised. I wanted to finish book 3, before I revise book 1, so I can make sure of the consistency in them. Make sure all the details are where they need to be to span all three books.
So, those first five pages are still in stream of consciousness, never re-read or revised, very much a first draft state. And I sent them to my crit group for last night.
As you can see, contrary to my belief that this would kill me, I’m still very much alive – or I could just be fooling with you all and have set the post time for now… but that’s not the case. They liked it. Sure – there were areas they had suggestions of phrase, tightening and major grammatical corrections (because grammar is my weakness. Yay for living in Germany for half of my childhood). But they didn’t laugh, they didn’t tell me it needed ten years worth of work to show someone… they found weaknesses, pointed them out and made me feel like maybe, just maybe this is possible.
We’re all our own worst critic and personally, I go through cycles of loathing my work. In hindsight, nothing was ever a good idea.
Except for my entry in the 2nd Writers Campaign Challenge. If you haven’t read it (#17) and voted, please do, and if you haven’t read the other entries – please read them.
See what I did there?
This is one of the things I find best about the 3rd Writer’s platform building campaign run by Rach. It’s making me share writing. Okay, so it’s only 200 word pieces of flash fiction, but this is a huge step for me.
I’ve loved writing since I was small, since I was eight to be precise. But just because you love something, just because you practice hours on end – doesn’t necessarily mean you’re good at it.
Showing my writing to other people fills me with fear. I get headaches and stress, and want to take it back off them. Hell, as soon as I hit post with these two campaign pieces, I had to walk away from my computer so I didn’t delete the post.
Will I be ready to share this with other people? No, never. I don’t believe I’ll ever be ready for someone to look at my characters and potentially not like them, or even not get them.
Am I going to make myself show my books to other people? F*****g A I am. Not to mention I have a face to face crit group who’ll hold me down and steal my laptop from me if I dont… (yes, the books are on the laptop)
I believe there comes a time in the process as a writer that you just have to start believing in yourself. When you have to be able to roll with the punches and still come up swinging and determined. That time for me is now.
Because, when all is said and done, I’m not going to let fear, loathing and the ever present nagging at the back of my mind hold me back from becoming better at what I love. And I don’t believe anyone should. The better I get, the more likely I am to reach my goals.
What about you? Are you scared of showing people your work? Do you wonder if your good ideas are only good in your head? How confident are you when you submit your work to a crit group? What stage of writing are you in? Brainstorming, first draft, revision, edits, querying, published? I’d love to here other people’s opinions on this.
Uhhhh, KT…Hmmm…not sure if you’ve had a chance to check out how many Likes you have for your 2nd campaign challenge entry but uh, you are kicking assets up and down the block. And as much I had fun with my own, yours floored me. I couldn’t get to the Like button quick enough.
As for how I feel about what I write, well, I’m good for letting people read it, mostly because I want to get feedback, I want and need to see if I’m getting my point across and I’m as nervous as a whore in church every time I hand off a paragraph, a page or 5k words. But I do it. It scares me but I do it.
Right now I have a WIP called EVERVEIL. It started as a stand alone book until I noticed I had two other book ideas that would work brilliantly into making it book 1 of the Uncommon Chronicles. I’m tripping because I know the name of this book is one syllable away from Brodi Ashton’s EVERNEATH which is due out in 3 months. I’m afraid people are going to compare books because of the titles, which I don’t want happening because Brodi ROCKS. It has demigods and vampires and that feels like a horrible set up for comparisons to the likes of TWILIGHT and PERCY JACKSON and the half-blood camp series. For Jiminy Cricket’s sake, just thinking of it has me panting and needing a glass of wine. But I’m taking this chance, because I love to write. And from what I’ve read, you’ve got a gift K.T. Work it out and let us see what marvelous works are in store for us 🙂
So, I got this a bit ago and am replying now. Mainly because you made me tear up lol. I don’t deal with compliments very well. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart, seriously – Thank you.
Like I said. This challenge has been really good for me. And if I hadn’t seen people actually liked my piece on Monday, I would never have had the guts to send my crit group those first five pages.
Everevil sounds like an awesome name. I’m not sure you’d have to worry about people comparing them. Your book will be strong enough that it won’t matter. Taking the chance is hard. Knowing that people can reject you time after time because their taste differs, or perhaps that the story you love so much just doesn’t have a niche at this point in time.
It’s so good to know that other people have this difficulty. So good to know that others do fear the process, but fight on anyway. I will cross my fingers for you and look forward to seeing Everevil on the shelves.
I am so right there with you! I fear criticism. I crave making people happy, touching people’s hearts, helping people, making them cringe in fear from the story, or making them think. I know sharing is definitely important to get your book out there. But also, we have to remember that we can never please 100% of the people. There is always going to be someone that hates us and someone that loves us. It is the dichotomy of life.
I’m glad you are able to show your work to someone. I’ve just recently joined a crit group. Still scared. They are very encouraging. And, I always tend to compare myself with others. The “I’ll never be good enough” monster always shows up.
And this #writecampaign sure has helped. But the problem I have now is the lack of interest. So I don’t even know if people are reading/liking/hating my work. 🙂 My heart says that no comment means something negative, whatever that negative is.
I’m glad you are sharing! I’m glad because I know I am not alone. But, really, would you still like me if you read me? LOL
The I’ll never be good enough monster camps out under my bed lol, which is rather difficult to do considering my bed is REALLY low to the ground haha.
Sweetie, look at the votes you’ve got in the 2nd Campaign challenge. I think a lot of people like you and have read at least a sampling of your work. Myself included.
I’m so glad you’ve found a crit group. You can do this! And always remember – so many people are struggling along the road to publication too. We’re with you all the way.
I’m always afraid people aren’t going to like my work when I show them something I’ve written–I find writing is, despite the number of people who may read it, quite personal. That’s most of the reason why I haven’t submitted my work to a critique group yet; I don’t really have anything I’d be really comfortable showing people at this point, though I know I’ll have to have someone else read it eventually.
I’m currently in the first draft stage. I hope to finish the novel by November, so I can start something new for NaNoWriMo.
I have to agree it’s a very personal thing. Well your challenge entries are great! So I’m hoping you get up the confidence to show people soon. NaNoWriMo is a fantastic way to just let loose and write. Good Luck!
oooooh, are you going to the NIMROD conference? I wanted to go, but had another commitment that day already . . . (I actually live in Tulsa, if you want to meet up for coffee or something that night, but if not that’s cool!)
I am usually nervous showing people my work, especially if it’s someone I haven’t worked with before. Yes on the ideas – I wonder that all the time. As for a crit group, I’ve only just gotten started with one, so yes, I’m a little nervous! I have several pieces in various stages – plotting, writing, and editing!
Ack! That would be awesome. Yes, yes, it’s NIMROD. The 21st is actually my Birthday lol. We’re going down that night. I live in Wichita lol – so I’m pretty close – even if we can’t meet up that night (I have another friend who wants to meet lol) it’d be great to get together sometime since we live relatively close.
Yeah, I’m so nervous. It’s great to see that other people have the same sort of troubles too. So happy you found a crit group!
You know what, I think it’s normal and probably good to be that way. We have an obligation to folks who are investing their time in us. FWIW, when I posted that first flash fiction, I had to slam down the laptop and walk away too.
That makes me feel a little better. The first and second challenges were gut wrenching for me to post in. Thank you.
I’m exactly like you! The minute I turn in my work, I absolutely hate it and an insane urge to rip it apart or take it back comes to me. I also like that I was able to share my writing because of Rach’s Campaign.
No, I’m not at all confident. Yes, I do sometimes wonder if the ideas I have are only good in my head. Still on first draft *sobs*
It’s really great not to feel alone. Writing is such a personal aspect – it’s a piece of our imagination. I’m glad this campaign is helping you get your work out there. I hope it helps you gain the confidence 😀 And First draft? Is still amazing progress 😀
Um, yeah – if I were you I would NOT be freaking over showing people a first draft. I’d be freaking if it was a 5th draft (like mine) and people still found ways to pick it apart. LOL.
Just wait 😉 I’ll let you know when I’m on my 5th draft lol – we can go share a glass of wine and commiserate 😀
Ooh, see? You’re getting smooth and savvy with the sharing-of-your-work! Good for you!
I love the word Savvy 😀 Well I’m actually showing people my work now – so if that’s smooth and savvy, then yes I am 😀 Thank you 😀