First Campaigner Challenge – 200 Word Flash

So – I’m a little late to the first Campaigner Challenge – I’m entry #348. Please vote if you like it! I’m still making my way through all of the other entries. Don’t forget to go read all the wonderful entries!

Here are the guidelines.

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.

If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: “the door swung shut.” (also included in the word count)

For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!

This whole campaign and this challenge has been a lot of fun. Really looking forward to the rest of the campaign. Oh, and I managed exactly 200 words! I warn everyone – everything I write is dark :D

And here is my piece:

DISSOLVE

The door swings open on well-oiled hinges. Shara steps over the threshold, eyes on the prisoner slumped over the bench struggling against his restraints.

He glares up at her, his words muffled by duct-tape until she yanks it off “Witch.” he spits on the floor, just missing her feet.

She bends down and tilts his chin, nicking skin with barbs on the whip in her hand. “Call me what you want, Jay. I have devices here that’ll make anyone talk.”

“You underestimate my hatred for you.” His bitter laugh echoes through the old dungeon.

She leans close and whispers in his ear. “Where was this hatred last night?”

He turns his head away as blood drips from the cut and avoids looking at the wrack in the corner. He forces the words out through clenched teeth. “I’ll die before I talk.”

“I hope not,” Shara bites her lip as she draws her arm back. “Just give me the damn codes…” she pleads softly as she brings the cat-of-nine-tails down on his back with sickening force. “Let me spare you.”

Skin tears with every stroke and Jay’s grunts dissolve in pain.

His screams are cut off as the door swings shut.

74 Comments

  1. Michael Haynes
    Sep 8, 2011

    Interesting! Sounds like some definite chemistry (good and bad) between these two…

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 8, 2011

      I’m not sure what it was, but the line made me think of a dungeon… I couldn’t help it hehe

  2. Candy
    Sep 8, 2011

    Wow! That’s sinister, in a great way! :))

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 8, 2011

      Thank you!

  3. Damyanti
    Sep 8, 2011

    So much tension in such few words. Like.

    Also, would like to invite you to The Rule of Three Blogfest —a month-long shared-world fiction extravaganza in October with some great prizes, and of course, a lot of exposure for your writing.

    Bring Shara to the town of Renaissance!

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 8, 2011

      Thank you very much.

      I’ll pop over and read the info on the blogfest when I’m more awake.

      Shara might like the stay a little too much hehe

  4. CherylAnne Ham
    Sep 8, 2011

    Dark indeed. I like it. :D And don’t feel back about being late to the party, I just posted mine and I’m right after you in the list! Happy Campaigning.

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 8, 2011

      Yeah, I’m just glad I got to participate :D Enjoy the campaign!

  5. Sonia Lal
    Sep 8, 2011

    You are right, it is dark. But I like it, especially the hints of chemistry between them.

    I am number 55 ;)

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 8, 2011

      Thank you :D Not sure where I got it from, but it’s exactly 200 words sooo I’m not being picky lol.

  6. Claire
    Sep 8, 2011

    Wow, dark and dirty, like it!
    Thanks for commenting on my story and glad I came here.

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 9, 2011

      Thanks. I think people read a more kinky side into the story than I intended – in hindsight I should have approached it differently lol. She’s torturing him for information he wouldn’t give up to other methods lol

  7. Marcy
    Sep 8, 2011

    What an interesting situation. It definitely made me cringe!

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 9, 2011

      Thanks :D This time I’m torturing characters literally lol

  8. Heather McCorkle
    Sep 8, 2011

    Oh this one is GOOD! I want to read more so badly, well done!

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 9, 2011

      Thank you! This would be more towards the end of a full story hehe – there’d be much more back story!

  9. Avery Marsh
    Sep 8, 2011

    Yowza! Remind me not to get on her bad side. ;) Great tension between the two.

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 9, 2011

      Yeah, it’s more her job to extract info ;)

  10. Sarah Pearson
    Sep 9, 2011

    There’s a very thin line between love and hate :-)

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 9, 2011

      200 words is so limiting. I want to tell so much more lol

  11. yikici
    Sep 9, 2011

    Talk about tension! An interesting piece, glad I stopped by. :)

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 9, 2011

      Thank you! I’d like to think he doesn’t cough up the codes haha

  12. cristina
    Sep 9, 2011

    oohhhhh! these two……love the tension between these two, I want to know more :)

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 9, 2011

      Haha – I want to WRITE more lol. Damn plot bunnies

  13. LadyJai
    Sep 9, 2011

    brilliant :D

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 9, 2011

      Thank you :D

  14. Heather Cashman
    Sep 9, 2011

    She’s evil. I want to hate her. But is he good? Leaves me wondering.

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 9, 2011

      Mmm well, she’s not really evil. Just doing her job by any means possible ;)

  15. Lisa Potts
    Sep 9, 2011

    Talk about a strong female MC! Shara’s not one to be toyed with.
    Great job conveying her personality in such a short piece.

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 9, 2011

      Thank you so much! I like here. No idea where she came from – I might steal her for a future WIP

  16. bridgetstraub.com
    Sep 9, 2011

    dear, dear, nicely done. Mine is #72

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 9, 2011

      Thank you. I popped over and read yours! :D Left a message

  17. Brenna
    Sep 9, 2011

    Hmmm. . . very interesting. I wonder what the codes are for. The characters have obvious chemistry. Good work.

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 9, 2011

      Thank you. It’s a spy thing – Originally there wasn’t anything but the scene, but as I wrote…

      Well, we all know how that works lol

  18. The Golden Eagle
    Sep 9, 2011

    No clear lines between characters here! I’m intrigued to know what the significance of the codes is.

    My entry.

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 9, 2011

      Thanks. It’s a spy thing hehe. Or that was the intention – I do believe people have read different things into it lol

  19. Amanda Milner
    Sep 9, 2011

    It’s dark and I like it! Great chemistry between the two characters. It makes want to know more about them! Way to go. :)

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 9, 2011

      Thank you so much! These two have been growing on me. Glad you liked it :D

  20. lindy
    Sep 9, 2011

    Hi K.T.! I enjoyed this piece. There’s a lot going on here, both expressed and implied. Layers of tension and danger–not to mention two strong characters. Leaves me wanting more. Congratulations, you’ve been short listed, and will be moving on to the second stage!

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 9, 2011

      Thank you so much. 2nd stage? Wow :D Thank you again!

  21. Rebecca Enzor
    Sep 9, 2011

    Oh wow – that was deliciously evil! I bet he talks before he dies >:)

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 9, 2011

      If it was longer I’d probably try to make him die just as he’s trying to speak mwuah hah hah!

  22. Enid Wilson
    Sep 9, 2011

    An evil woman? That’s different. And she is merciless. Good on you with the flash story.

    Every Savage Can Reproduce

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 9, 2011

      I love writing evil women – we can be just as bad or good hehe. Thank you for reading!

  23. tara tyler
    Sep 9, 2011

    excellent torture scene! brutal!

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 9, 2011

      Thankyou!

  24. Trisha
    Sep 9, 2011

    Wow – this was pretty dramatic! Makes me want to know what happens next, what the codes are for, and what’ll go on between these two! And why he’s calling her ‘witch’.

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 9, 2011

      I usually write either fantasy or scifi – so that one crept in, and I wasn’t sure if we should swear in the challenge lol.

  25. Juliana
    Sep 9, 2011

    Ick, I don’t like that girl. Nice job at making it so visual!

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 9, 2011

      Hehe, she’s just doing her job – extracting information :D Thank you for reading!

  26. Tia Bach
    Sep 9, 2011

    Love your take on the challenge. A guilty pleasure. Wasn’t expecting it the ending. Some grit. I like it!

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 9, 2011

      Haha, thanks. I think I failed the challenge – she’s a spy extracting information through torture after getting it through seduction failed.

  27. Bethany lopez
    Sep 10, 2011

    Loved it, definitely want more! I’m #19

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 12, 2011

      Thank you so much for reading. I know I loved yours :D

  28. Jessica McKendry
    Sep 11, 2011

    Kinda creepy! I love it! Great job!
    And thanks for following my blog :)

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 12, 2011

      Any time :D Thank you for reading it – creepy is good :D Was meant to be

  29. Garth Butler
    Sep 12, 2011

    Hey gorgeous! Love this little story. Thought I’d give it a try too. Tell me what you think. :)

    The door swung open with ease. Justine could see her long silhouette being cast onto the floor from the hallway light she crossed under only a few seconds earlier. Her heartbeat was thudding in her ears at a faster pace now. She was fighting a losing battle trying to slow her breathing and work moisture into her mouth. The pistol grasped in her hands stretched out in front of her felt like a sack of concrete. A bead of sweat slowly trickled down the side of her face. “C’mon, you’ve been trained for this,” she told herself. But this was no academy scenario. If she failed this situation, she wouldn’t just be given a lecture and told to repeat it. If she failed here she was dead.

    She inhaled deeply, and checked her grip on her weapon. This was it. The thudding in her ears was as deafening. Diving into the room, she checked the corner and choked on her breath. The pounding in her ears stopped, her chest tightened and it felt as if ice were running down her spine as she stared wide-eyed at the blood spattered wall. The room faded to black as the door swung shut.

    According to Word, it’s exactly 200 words. I had to do some editing to make it that short. Anyway, hope you enjoyed. *hugs*

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 12, 2011

      You need to write more. The more you write, the better you’ll get – and now you have to write this story – soooo :p Go write.

  30. David Powers King
    Sep 12, 2011

    “Let me spare you.” Oh, wow! What a great line!

    Awesome work, K.T.! :)

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 12, 2011

      Thank you, David :D

      That line wasn’t in the 1st, 2nd or even 5th go through. Added it when I restructured that paragraph. So glad I put it in now :D

  31. Angela B
    Sep 12, 2011

    Yeah Jay…where was that hatred last night? Me oh my, this story is ripe with hints of danger and tension.

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 12, 2011

      Thank you!

      Yeah, Jay’s not too happy about ‘Last Night’. By the end of it he’s probably wishing he’d talked in his sleep lol ;)

  32. Susie Medwell
    Sep 12, 2011

    That really made me want to find out more – definitely made me cringe in one way but couldn’t not carry on reading (if you know what I mean!). Amazing what you can get into 200 words.

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 13, 2011

      Thank you. For some reason this message was in Spam… I’ll have to make sure I check them more often. Cringing is one of the responses I was after ;)

  33. Christine Rains
    Sep 12, 2011

    Ooh, nice. That was dark and tense. I thought at first it was something medieval, but her asking for the codes was much more modern. It’s a world I’m curious about!

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 12, 2011

      Thank you, so much! I was aiming for dark and tense. Oh, I’d love it to be medieval – I’ve always been fascinated by medieval torture devices hehe – hence the inspiration :D

  34. Kathy Mehl
    Sep 12, 2011

    Wow, what a woman would do for the codes. Codes to what, I ask? Great flash story, great visual. Tell me more, or I’ll…nah, but awesome job.

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 13, 2011

      Haha, thank you! Codes to something or other secret – no idea what. It’s all secret agenty/spy in my head lol. Thank you for reading.

  35. A.E. Martin
    Sep 13, 2011

    Your piece was very intriguing, I’d love to know what’s going on. Also, I’ve passed the versatile blogger award to you, check it out on my blog: http://iqurae.blogspot.com/

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 13, 2011

      Thank you! I’ll let you in on a secret – I’d love to know too ;)

      Thank you for the award – I’ll be checking it out in the morning when my brain is awake :D

  36. Isis Rushdan
    Sep 14, 2011

    Dark is oh so good! I want to know what happened last night and if he talks. Great job.

    I gave you an award on my blog today! Come on over.

  37. Jocelyn Rish
    Sep 14, 2011

    Oooh, very nice. Dark with lots of sizzle And you can feel the history between the two.

  38. F.E. Sewell
    Sep 17, 2011

    Intentional or not, there is some serious chemistry between your two characters. Good job!

    • K.T. Hanna
      Sep 19, 2011

      Haha :D Thank you. There’s supposed to be chemistry, but she really is torturing him.

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